A brand new year is upon us! And you know what that means: spending a day thinking of New Year’s resolutions—and then spending less than an hour breaking all of them.
No need to feel discouraged, though. Jimmy Joy will help you out this year. Here are five Resolutions that are usually doomed to fail miserably, and our suggestions to make them work this year.
Resolution #1: Living healthier
What usually happens when you set this Resolution: “This year will be different!”, you shout out as the clock strikes 12. “From now on, I will go to the gym every day, and only eat healthy stuff! Maybe I will even try eating this ‘apple’ thing I heard so much about!” But come January 4th, you haven’t been to the gym yet: you’re on your couch marathoning the Lord of the Rings trilogy with both your hands stuck in jars of mayonnaise.
How Jimmy Joy can help you: Our Plenny Shake contains literally ALL the nutrition your body is yearning for after all these years of neglect. It’s an easy and affordable way to be healthier. As a well-known ancient monk once said: "Your body is a temple, put some Plenny up in that bitch."
Resolution #2: Saving more money
What usually happens when you set this Resolution: In the first weeks of the year, you’re saving 70 cents a day by getting your groceries from the weird but cheap Albanian supermarket on the corner. You feel proud when you tell your friends about it at the bar. And you know what, since you’ve been living so thrifty now, you deserve a little treat. So you buy cocktails for the whole bar and go home for a little drunk online shopping for ancient Japanese swords.
How Jimmy Joy can help you: Next to offering all the nutrition your body needs, Jimmy Joy foods are very affordable. For example; a Plenny Shake is just €1,04 per 400 kcal meal. No more Albanian goat flavored cookies for you!
Resolution #3: Finally getting some decent sleep
What usually happens when you set this Resolution: You decide to start going to bed earlier, so you won't have to take secret naps in the least smelly bathroom at work anymore. However, the first day you were supposed to hit the hay at 11 PM, the episode of your tv series ends at 10:55. Five more minutes to enjoy yourself! What to do with these? After careful consideration, you decide to watch the 3,5-hour version of Apocalypse Now.
How Jimmy Joy can help you: A Plenny Shake breakfast can be prepared in no time, so you can sleep in a bit. Your days of napping in Jerry from Accounting's faint poo smell are over!
Resolution #4: Spending more time with your favorite people
What usually happens when you set this Resolution: In former years when your grandma texted you “Happy.Birthday.My.Good.Child.I.Cant.Find.The.Space.Bar”, you answer her with a thumbs up emoji. Not this year though: you want to spend more time with her and decide to pay her a visit. When she’s done talking about her foot aches and how she thinks her housekeeper has been stealing paperclips, you shamble out of her home, exhausted yet satisfied. On to the next grandmother! But where will you find the time to keep paying them these long, long, very long visits?
How Jimmy Joy can help you: Preparing a Jimmy Joy meal takes zero to very little time. Also, it’s very easy to eat on the go. So you will have all the more time to spend listening to your grandma's complaints about the neighborhood kids “frisbeeming” on her lawn.
Resolution #5: Eat less animal-based products
What usually happens when you set this Resolution: There are so many good, healthy non-meat foods to stuff your face hole with, and you realize that with just a little extra effort, it’s not that hard to banish meat from your diet. But then, on one very busy, shitty day, that little extra effort is too much to ask for, and you end up eating a huge greasy smelly fast food hamburger on a train during rush hour. Everybody on the train seems disgusted by you and honestly, you kind of agree.
How Jimmy Joy can help you: Jimmy Joy foods are not just vegetarian: they take zero to very little effort to prepare. So when you feel a shitty day coming up, stuff your bag with Twenny Bars or prepare a Plenny Shake for the day. This way, you won’t have to fall for one of those grilled cow ass sandwiches again. Also: there are no meat juices dripping from your chin while eating a Twenny Bar on the train. A win-win situation—you can do this. Good luck!